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            I'm a little confused about who I am.  When I was a 911 Operator/Police Dispatcher, it was easy to help others at work and keep your home life in perspective, but since I've been off with my back, I'm really confused. 

            I'm confused with how far I should go in helping others with their "stuff".  I don't mean physically helping them...I mean emotionally.  I've always been the person who "helps a fallen bird", you know, the person who will take others into their home just like that!  No questions asked....as soon as I hear of their woes, I want to help.  Not only did we have the five kids at home, but also student tenants as well as friends periodically over the years who needed a safe haven I guess.  My problem is...where do I draw the line?

            I'm not getting any younger, I still have chronic back pain and this urge to incorporate other people into our lives is still as strong as ever.  I feel like, if I can help them out then I should, because if I don't, who will?  And if I don't open my big mouth and say "Awww...come stay with us.", will I feel horrible if they go into a downhill slide? 

            As mentioned previously in a blog last week, I just got my craft room/office/spare bedroom back to myself  (we only have two bedrooms in this crazy big house) and it was a lovely feeling straightening it all out, but now I'm worrying about someone else again and Dan has said this person can come stay with us...that we'll help him.  Dan said that.  Not me.  But, of course, I jumped on the bandwagon and here we go again! (possibly).  Those of you who know me are probably shaking your heads right this very minute at the computer screen, thinking, oh no...Wendy....really?  Why don't you just take time for yourselves?  And, I agree...to an extent.

            I was ready to do that when we moved out here to our rural paradise, but now...maybe it's because I can't help so much physically anymore (not that I ever could....woosy girl!), and so my mind tells me to do what comes naturally?  You start having all those thoughts like, "Why are we here, if not to help others?", "How much are you putting back into life, if you aren't helping others?", "Can I live with myself if I turn my back?".

            And, the newest person is someone I don't know really well, but is my blood, by birth.  Could I live with myself if I didn't help, when I know the history of why he is the way he is?  Yes, there've been moments where I firmly tell myself to not get into this...just enjoy life...but then, why do I feel so selfish doing that?

            I know...this is pretty deep and not very lighthearted bloggy-like, but is there anyone else out there who has this urge all the time that can give me some advise?  How do you let it go?  I'm worried right now because I haven't heard from him in 24hrs.  Which is worse?  Worrying about him from afar, or helping him up close?

            What would you do?
            What have you done in the past about similar situations?

            Dear Abby....are you out there?

           

10/13/2011 01:37:58 am

Been there, done that! Can you ever really help someone who doesn't try to help themselves? Does your help just make them dependent? Does your help enable them to continue abdicating responsibility for their own lives? What is your responsibility to yourself and your quality of life?
I don't know the answers but I sure do know the questions!

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Brian Smith
10/14/2011 06:22:53 am

I think that ultimately, you have to be yourself. What others do or think really has no bearing. It's your face you look at when you brush your teeth in the morning. If you can look into that mirror image and feel good about yourself...then you made the correct decision.
It's easy to be self centered but damn hard to be caring.
Besides, you and Dan would be offering a roof not a counselling center. As Maureen wrote above,you can't help someone until they are ready to accept their responsibility toward their lives. You can trust me on that...to do otherwise is a waste of everyone's time.

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10/14/2011 10:22:02 pm

You are both sooo right! And it's funny, but I put down a few ground rules for the party (for his health) in question and now it seems he doesn't want to come...hasn't replied to any texts. So, I actually don't think it's an issue any longer. Funny.

xo

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